Aware, Better, Fun

“Your intuition knows what to write, so get out of the way.”

Ray Bradbury

“Well, that’s the guy I see in the mirror, every day.  Some days, I just avoid making eye contact with him.   These journal entries are the closest I ever come to talking it out with him.  These entries have done me good, no doubt.  But they haven’t made me better, just more aware.  I guess awareness is important, but I believe change is better.”

Personal Journal – November 6, 2022

I began writing a journal in the summer of 2017.  I had tried several times before this attempt, always failing, always falling short of my goal to put my thoughts on paper.  The first time was in 1993, after my wife and I had lost our first-born son.  The last time was after I began an emotional spiral because of… yeah, um… because of something I still don’t talk about here.  Anyway, the point is, after almost 25 years, I finally started, and dutifully continued, along a path towards my own awareness.  Now if that path only had a sign along the way that read,

“BETTER: Next Exit”.

I would take it, and probably write all about it.

But in the meantime, as Bradbury said, my intuition knows, and I finally got myself out of its way, at least in my personal journal.  Now if I could just get out of the way of what I know to write, everywhere else.  I hadn’t written a legit blog post in almost two years.  After writing two books for publication, I haven’t written one of those in almost five years.

So this month, I decided to use the time, 30 days in November, and the place, NanoPoblano, to work on finally getting all the way out of the way, because truthfully, until a couple of weeks ago, I had given up on the idea of ever blogging again, let alone doing it for 30 straight days. 

And I had absolutely given up on it ever being fun.

But, guess who’s been having fun?

Now, I know this is only Day 6, and some days have already been less fun than others, but for the first time in the 7 chances I’ve had to write through November, some I’ve finished, some I haven’t, and some I haven’t even tried, this is the only time I can write honestly saying, this has been fun.  Maybe the sign I should have been looking for all along was the one that read,

“FUN: Next Exit”.

And now that I have you here, tell me, in the almost one week that you and I have been blogging in November, have you been having fun?  And don’t feel bad if your answer is a resounding, ALL CAPS “NO”.  I don’t think I ever really had fun doing this until now.  But if you are having fun, let me know why.  And if you’re not, tell me that, too.  Because I believe that awareness comes before better, and it damn well comes before fun.

I’ll be reading you.

See you tomorrow.