Only Magic Enough for Me.

I once wrote, “Magic can be stressful as fuck.  More stressful than people who don’t rely on it can know” (August 23, 2017).  In the years that followed that adorable tweet, I went from this tenuous-at-best belief in magic, to no belief in magic at all.  But now, I may have learned the most important lesson magic ever shared,

“I have only magic enough for me”.

I will spare you all the nonsense and double-talk, smeared on society’s cage bars like angry gorilla feces at the zoo, about “the magic in all of us”, or “the way of the empath”, or any other such crap that South Asian-appropriating white saviors and plagiarist self-help gurus fling around the internet, and simply say that I, in whatever way you wish to define it, still do believe in magic.

And it is in short supply.

I mean look, I’m writing a blog post for the third day in a row, for the first time in almost two years, so there’s got to be some magic in that.  But I’m not talking about “magic” being magic that science hasn’t explained yet, because I can directly attribute the magic of three consecutive days of blogging to the science of coffee, as easily as something involving the mystic arts of word alchemy.  One person’s magic is another person’s French roast.  What I think I’m saying is, I have only enough of myself left to take care of me.  Where I used to exhibit seemingly-infinite patience for the wellbeing of others, I now equate caring to a chore.  And it’s not that I’m faking it when I lovingly engage with others, it’s that after, it feels like my soul needs a nap.  Like a three-year-old needs a nap after cookies and juice.  Like a mother of two preschoolers needs a nap while sitting on the toilet.  Probably like God needs a nap in the two minutes between the end of evening news and Jeopardy!.  Really, I swear, if I am there for you, I am all the way there.  But if I’m not there, I’m using all my magic on me.

And I know I’m not the only one.

You have magic, too.  You have magic, and you use it every day.  On those you love, on total strangers, even if just not to punch them as you buy gas at the corner Valero station, and on those you see in need who, for whatever reason, are not using magic on themselves, when they so desperately need to.  I see you, if only because I have seen me, first.  In a mirror, in the ragged sound of my own voice as I mutter to myself while deciding between another cup of coffee, or eating actual food.  Or in the way that sometimes, no matter who I see in need, I know my soul needs a nap before I can impart any magic, even a little, at all.

It’s okay knowing that, “I have only enough magic for me”.

So, today’s question for you is, “How’s your magic holding up”?  And, “What do you do when it runs out”?  Also, it’s okay not to answer until after you’ve had a nap. See you tomorrow.


  1. Twindaddy says:

    I’m pretty sure my magic is trapped in a bottle at the liquor store, but I’ve been wrong before.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Dani says:

    Yay I can comment. WooHoo. Magic indeed. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. beeben95 says:


    Liked by 1 person

  4. Liz Ward says:

    Similar to you, don’t have as much magic to spare these days. It’s possibly compassion fatigue on my part – so much happening out there, so few spoons – but also lingering effects of burnout. But magic is still there. Sometimes I spot it glittering in my cat’s eyes or when I spend time with my baby nephew. Or when I finish a book that gives me all the feels! Sometimes it’s just spending time in quiet with my husband, both happily doing our own thing together ✨ But then I also seek magic in what I read (fantasy, sci-fi etc), watch, and games I play – sometimes that helps add a lot more magic to life too.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Reblogged this on and commented:

    This post is brilliant — and a beautiful reminder that caring for others begins with self care. If only we all knew ourselves so well. But then, that’s the gift and skill of a magician.

    Gabor Mate put it this way: “The best gift that you can give your kids [or anyone you love] is your own happiness.” What I know is that you cannot give away what you do not possess, so if you’re trying to bring the ‘world’ joy but you’re bereft, well, how’s that workin’ for ya?

    Enjoy this reblog in honor of a very talented Nano Poblano Pepper!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have often thought that the sheer information inundation we all face on a daily basis has sapped the magic out of us. Perhaps we have not yet evolved to handle the overload – or maybe that is why AI threatens to overtake us. I suppose the next time someone asks me why I don’t watch the news, I only need tell them, “I’m saving up my magic today, thanks.” 😉 Beautiful post.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think I got a little bit of my magic back today as I was basking in the warm afternoon sun on my patio. Magic or not, it was much needed as those days are dwindling.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. loristory says:

    To me, music is magic. And somewhere out there, there may be an answer as to why we are even able to be conscious of our own existence, and what it’s all about. That answer, if it exists, is the magic that I sense as the background to our universe. It kind of hums to me once in a while. I hope it’s not just that I’m deluding myself, but then even deluding myself is a sign that I have a self, and that’s kind of unbelievably magical, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. When that happens I feel immensely grateful for reading a soul like yours who makes me laugh my milk out of my nose because of napping on the toilet and the reality of naps and thinking about caring and the immensity of care that the people in the world need. Thank you. Yes I too believe in magic, and it’s kind of a lot like grit, too. Congrats on 3 consecutive days. I want to laugh more so I hope you…. You know… do the thing

    Liked by 1 person

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