Bill Friday

blogger… writer… bloody awful poet

Barista

barista

It’s not the first time this has happened between us

You’re busy, and the whole world revolves around you

Oh, and you’re right

Ask anyone

Ask you

Now ask me

You can’t see past your self-satisfied nose

Asshole

I’ve been here

The whole time

Bleeding on my keys

Undercover poet of The Village

Pour me another cup

You useless fuck

I’m going to make a living off your muse

Is this the way you’ve always been

Or is it just the power you’ve been given

To ride a skateboard to work and

Earn tips for a living

One day they’ll know about you

 

© 2013  Bill Friday

5-7-5

haiku

I left myself room…

To think about everything…

And nothing got thought.

 

One time I said yes…

Another time I said no…

No was easier.

 

Grow up goddammit…

Stop being history’s bitch…

Time’s a wasting son.

© 2013 Bill Friday

Tony Deegan

old-man-with-flowing-beard-looking-down-left

I met Tony Deegen when he was almost 70… I was near 50… He was old on the outside and young in his bones… just the opposite of me.

Tony Deegan spent his 401k on a stripper… must have been a big tipper ‘cause he didn’t drink… paid for her tits and put her through school… as old farts go, he was cool.

Tony Deegan saw the Dodgers in the Coliseum… got to see ‘em play there in the 1950’s… sat his bony ass near the peristyle… Vin Scully’s transistor echo made him smile… when all things were new… till they moved all the families out of the Ravine before ’62.  He saw Drysdale and Koufax and Bobby and Jack as equals in his hall of fame.

Tony Deegan, by the time I knew him, he lived on Arbor Vitae… where he wouldn’t invite you because it was a rundown piece of furnished shit… and the beard on his neck was thicker than the one on my chin.  He was all stories by then… forgotten glories of a when that was dead… and he wouldn’t let just anyone into his head.

Tony Deegan always listened to progressive talk on his car radio while he worked, or sports… always out of sorts… and his opinion on either subject wasn’t always correct, political or otherwise… everyone around him said he was always to blame for every wrong thing… mostly because he couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut.

I want to be just like Tony Deegan when I grow up… except for the stripper, and the 401k… and the dying when he was so damn alone.

Copyright © 2013 Bill Friday

Vanilla Monitor

ukrainian hooker

So, this Ukrainian hooker walks into my Starbucks… well, not my Starbucks… I’m not Magic Johnson.  The Starbucks I started calling my office because, anymore, I have no willingness or ability to write at home.  Saturday night was pretty quiet.  I’m sitting in one of the fart and latte colored leather wingback chairs in the corner, drinking my coffee, and deciding between writing something deep and brooding… or just saying “fuck you” to the night and wasting an hour on Facebook till the barista who always tries to charge me full pop for refills kicks me out at 10.

And then, it happened.

She walks into my Starbucks.

Five-five in six-inch heels… black fishnets with a miniskirt, and some kind of faux fur jacket of indeterminate species… white-blond hair, and even whiter skin.  Looking just like that Ukrainian girl on the late-night TV commercial for that pay-for-play, video chat service.

Don’t judge me.

Only this one wasn’t looking all “come fuck me, Ah-mey-ree-can Man” like the blond in the commercial.  This one was looking like she had a dirty little secret, and no one to share it with.  Sitting on the back of the wooden chair closest to the milk and napkins and powdered condiments, she spent a good two minutes pretending to read the newsstand apartment guide that she held upside-down in one hand.  Another minute went by with the Ukrainian hooker looking in every direction but mine.  I swore she had to be casing the joint.

And it happens.

Like a pro… well, a professional at something… she strikes.  In a single motion, she’s reaching out her free hand, while her unread newsstand apartment guide opens wide in the other.  Just like the “breaching sharks” they show every year on Shark Week.  She strikes, and just like that, it’s gone.  The lone, unguarded shaker of vanilla, ripped from the condiment stand full of other, more popular options.  Gone!

And in four, maybe five strides, the Ukrainian hooker is lost in the night.

“Did you see what the fuck just happened?!!”

Denise, the other barista, was shouting at me and at no one, all at the same time.  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who noticed.

“That fucking hooker just stole my vanilla!”

© 2013 Bill Friday

Coffee Mandatory

Coffee Mandatory

Coffee Mandatory

 

Just so you know… I never planned to fall in love.

It started out as nothing more than a relationship of convenience. Like sex for a green card or the wash of a windshield for a couple of bucks at a stop light in Santa Monica. A fucking transaction. No emotion… no feelings. Just a need meeting another need. No romance, no flowers… just the glare of a naked bulb at sunrise, and the grunting of guilty pleasure heard on the other side of a thin kitchen wall.

After a while, like with any illegitimate relationship… and enough lying to yourself in the mirror… eventually you decide that maybe it’s okay to take next step… the public step. A coffee house. The thought was innocent enough in your head, “It’s just a cup of coffee. What could happen?”

Until you get there, and you wonder if this is how they feel in Amsterdam… ordering heroin… in a brothel.

At first, there’s that self-conscious thought that goes, “people don’t really do this in public… do they?” Followed by a second thought that you should just go finish your business in the restroom like the upstanding citizen your parents always thought you’d be. But you stay… you take your seat in the big room with all the other upstanding citizens… and you lose yourself to the overwhelming urge that brought you here in the first place. To take this private need to the next level. So you do. In front of God and everyone… if only God were watching.

I never planned to fall in love.

Years pass, and things go on like always. Public meetings, intimate rendezvous, long mornings after a bad night’s sleep. Every encounter making you sink deeper and deeper into what was such an innocent addiction. Days and nights became the same to you. Multiple jobs, endless hours… and only one thing remains the same. The need. The intense need, the unsatisfied need… the aching need.

Until another comes along.

As the glare of the naked bulb at sunrise still calls after you like a line out of a song by Mumford & Sons, the something new doesn’t call like a selfish bitch… it whispers softly in your ear, like the one that got away. It draws me to a softer place… a darker place, later and later in the night… after the glare of day, and all its distractions, goes away. And unlike the whorishly obvious coffee brothel, it is subtle and almost… caring. And the scars of years are replaced by tender strokes to a raw-rubbed ego. The only thing required in return was to think, and feel… and write. And whatever words came out were good… were accepted. I was accepted.

I never planned to fall in love. Not like this.

More years pass, and things change… drastically. The flutter and surge of my heart, gentle ego stroking… the sideways-smiles-turned-lustful… change. Flutters turn to questions. Surges to pain. The lying, sideways smiles, with their promise of fulfillment… turn to insistence. And whispers turn to ice at the harsh dawning of a new day, when I know it has become… the same.

I look up from the computer. I see the light of morning enter through the fog of early June. “When did this happen?” is all I can say, in a hushed voice, raw from not speaking. I turn my head the other way, toward the kitchen, to the glare of a naked bulb at sunrise…

…just so you know.

 

© 2011-2013 Bill Friday

My Vices Are Relatively Few

my vices are relatively few 2

My vices are relatively few…

 

I drink too much

but at home, and not in danger

I sleep too little

because I drink too much

And guilt

Guilt at the things I’ve done wrong

Guilt at the things I’ve not done

Guilt at the things I’ve yet to do

I’ve been forgiven for all the things I’ve done

or not done

and maybe for all the things I’ve yet to do

but one

Because she is only almost five

and must first be hurt before she can forgive

 

My vices are relatively few…

 

© 2013 Bill Friday

White Paint

afroman

“I’m a stop singing this song because I’m high…

                                                (Raise the ceiling baby)

I’m singing this whole thing wrong because I’m high…

                                                (Bring it back)

And if I don’t sell one copy I’ll know why…

                                                (Why man?  Yeah!)

‘Cause I’m high…

‘Cause I’m high…

‘Cause I’m high.”

 

“Because I Got High”

                Music and Lyrics by Joseph A. Foreman

                (aka “Afroman”)

 

“Because a writer writes.”

I wrote that in the liner of a leather-bound journal, that I gave as a gift once.  A birthday gift… to a guy I worked with, who called himself a writer.  He used to make me read his stuff.  Written long-hand, in a two inch, three-ring notebook on wide-ruled, 8 ½ by 11 paper.

His stuff sucked.

At the time, I didn’t know if what I wrote in that journal was for his encouragement, or just a thinly veiled attempt at harsh sarcasm.  It’s been years now, and I still don’t know which it was… and that isn’t even the point.  The point I’m making is that this fuzzy, gray-white cloud of a memory most likely only popped into my head right now because of what I, a writer, just did for a fucking paycheck.

Yeah, it’s funny what a few well-mixed, federally regulated, industrial chemicals can do to rip a dead memory from the hard ground of a guy’s head like a cosmic backhoe, under a paint-stained bandanna, just the other side of the blood-brain barrier.

I started working semi-permanent, part-time jobs so I could spend the bulk of my thoughts (at least that’s what I told myself at the time) on what I told anyone who would listen was my next career…

Writer.

Now, when I’m honest (or drunk), I tell the world (or those in it who still listen) that I’m, “a guy who works two part-time jobs… and blogs”.

Sort of.

And like the song clue at the top tells you (if this was a movie, it would have been playing in the background on a car radio), last week’s Libertarian drug flashback went and turned itself into its own bullshit crisis of conscience-slash-artistic epiphany… all in the hour it took to paint a mildew stained, six-by-thirty, cinder block and drywall storage unit, deep inside an unventilated apartment garage.

God, how toxic primer can make you think, while it kills the handful of brain cells you have left.

In the week since what I now refer to as “The Afroman Epiphany” forced me to re-evaluate the choices I’ve made for becoming a handsomely-paid writer, it wasn’t till Day 6 that it came to me.  Nobody who wants to get paid for thinking up cool new ways to use the same old words already used (but better) by other (dead) writers, should ever have to work in a Huffer’s Paradise of well-mixed, federally regulated, industrial chemicals… no matter how pretty they make a cinder block and drywall storage unit… not even if your name is Charles Fucking Bukowski.

And no amount of white paint on a dirty old bandanna should ever be enough to cover up the memories that remain for why a writer writes.

Copyright © 2013 Bill Friday*

Previous Copyrights © 2011, 2012 Bill Friday

*Originally published as “White Paint Chronicles #0001 on the blog It’s Always Friday (2011), and the website Expats Post (2012)

All rights reserved by the author.

…here come the words.

here come the words

Now that the end of the “Expats Radio hosted by Bill Friday” era has… with the end of the Mayan Calendar… come and gone (explanatory, revisionist, after-the-fact announcement forthcoming… stay tuned), it’s time to shift the focus of this fine literary e-zine back to its roots.

The written (and spoken) word.

In the wake of being a part of the Amazon.com™ Number One Best-Seller*, “Men in the Company of Women”, I have been advised by those wiser than I that it’s time to let the words out into the light.  Beginning here.  So, kicking off later this week, the blog known as “Bill Friday” will be showcasing the writing of “Bill Friday”.

So for all 38 of my current Friday WordPress Friendlies, stick around.  Because… here come the words.

* for the category “Men’s Anthology” (February 4th – February 18th 2013, at time of posting)

Expats Radio hosted by Bill Friday (episode 14) with Tanya Chernov… Live From the End of the World

The Doctor did it!  He saved us!

The Doctor did it! He saved us!

This week’s episode of Expats Radio hosted by Bill Friday was all about the happy prospect of the end of the world… or the dodging of the end of the world bullet (or doomsday meteor, or zombie apocalypse) by welcoming back author Tanya Chernov.  A couple of months back, Tanya came on the show to talk about her first book, “A Real Emotional Girl”, and for today’s installment, I asked her to come back and talk about the end of the Mayan Calendar and her new novel in progress (with the working title), “This Winter”.

Along with Tanya, we had a guest moment from Expats Post funding member and Pop-Blogger Joe Mael, and a short-circuited phone call from 2012 Poet Laureate nominee for the City of Los Angeles Yvonne de la Vega.

So listen to the whole show… there will be a quiz AND an announcement on the very important deeper meaning of this episode… in the coming days.

See ya then.

Expats Radio hosted by Bill Friday (episode 13)… Becoming An Expat

Expats Post Wants You!

Expats Post Wants You!

 

Expats Radio Rick-Rolls into blog recruitment overdrive with this show, dedicated to helping writers discover a website for… yep, you guessed it… WRITERS!  That site would be the one and only parent site for Expats Radio hosted by Bill Friday, Expats Post.

Joining me for this episode are Expats founders Jen Sharp (Sips of Jen and Tonic), Katy Kern (Tired of Previews), and of course Expats Post Boss Dude (and my Executive Producer) Dean Walker, to share why a site like the Post can be a writer’s resource like no other.  And why, once you’re an Expat, we’re never gonna give you up .

 

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