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Archive for the tag “I wish you hadn’t”

The Wish

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“I wish you had…”

That’s how it starts.  When someone you thought believed in you opens a new window in the conversation with the same line all the others have used, when you finally came to realize you would always let them down.

“I wish you had…”

They try and catch themselves, before the next line of words fall out.  Before you hear what they, secretly until now, think of you.  But they can’t.  The words they, until now, had not let slip, must’ve been building up pressure inside them for a long time, because they look… surprised…? that you could hear what they had not said for so long.

“I wish you had…”

It doesn’t matter how they finish that sentence.  How the next words will be for your benefit.  What their motivation must be, because they only want what’s best for you.  Because when you hear those words you know, from experience, you’ve lost them.  Whatever they have, or do, or will, mean to you in the past, the present, or the future, changed.  It’s no longer how unique you believed you were to them, it’s how the same you are.  The same as all the rest whose expectations you never quite lived up to.  All the rest who, eventually, could not hold back the words that lived in their heart, saved up just for you, no longer able to hide the disappointment in who or what you aren’t.

“I wish you had…”

And as they fill in the blank, you check out.  Not out of the conversation, but out of their life.  Because you know how this story ends.  With the same wish that, every time before, when you wished it, didn’t come true.  When you, reflexively, think of them,

“I wish you hadn’t…”

 

© Copyright 2017 William S. Friday

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