There’s a poignancy to changes in an ingrained life, lived flawed, but still true to human nature. Change is not natural, and it only comes by way of trauma, either physical or emotional. And though the choices for our changes are brought about under the sovereign hand of our autonomy of spirit, there is always a catalyst, and never of our choosing.
I am no different than any other soul that must change.
My catalyst is emptiness.
For me, it was a two-step process. First you lose most of what you have, and then, you give the rest of it away. The losing isn’t all that hard. Humanity is conditioned to lose. It’s what we do most of the time. We’re used to it from as far back as our earliest memories. It’s the real reason we idolize winners. A winner is humanity’s real life superhero. They succeed where the rest of us fail, and we idolize them because of it. To be human is to worship, and it is easiest to worship the demigod who looks like a better version of us. Hero worship is as real a thing as hunger and thirst, and easier to satisfy. Just find a winner and put your hopes on them, while all of us who aren’t them keep doing what we do best. Lose.
But after the losing comes the hard part. The giving away of whatever you have left. You’re already a loser. Not a day goes by when you aren’t reminded of it. For most, the response is to try and hold fast to what’s left of your losses. For the rest, there is a different choice.
I used to be that guy who held on. To everything. Until there was nothing left to hold onto. Until life removed the last of everything I thought I wanted. And the thing you realize when everything you thought you wanted isn’t yours anymore, is that you can finally let go of the rest.
So after a life of losses, now comes my time to let go, because only empty hands can take hold of the good that comes after defeat.
And I’m going to need a new catalyst.
© Copyright 2017 William S. Friday