Today, I ate six tacos from Del Taco, and watched a movie that I wished had been about my life. Also, I considered day drinking, but there was company in the downstairs, and I didn’t want to have to explain to anyone why I was crafting a boilermaker at 2:54 in the afternoon. The movie was about a child musical prodigy, and his college age summer nanny.
And before you think that thought out loud, no… not because I have a fantasy about that sort of thing… although, hot nanny… but because I wish I had a childhood memory I held dear that didn’t involve loneliness, or being an outcast. The way the boy felt in the movie.
The way I feel now.
Over the previous bunch of months, in both my poetry and my blog posts, I’ve been telling the folks who read me that I was changing my life. Changing it for the good. Cutting the ties that held me to the old life…the job and other questionable choices… and I did. Except, I realize, that the one thing I brought with me in all the changes, that I have not yet changed, is me.
So now, after all the changes, it is time for me to change me.
Changes begin the moment the first one happens, like eating six tacos from Del Taco, or stumbling upon a movie you wished you’d lived, decades before. There’s a part in the movie where the boy and his nanny talk about past choices… hers… and the possibilities for the future. And since I’ve already lived my past, it all made me think what those possibilities will be. And to be truthful, I don’t know what they are yet. But I know now that they aren’t as far off as I once thought they were. They are as close as a story I wished I’d lived. They are as close as six tacos from Del Taco.
They are here.
© Copyright 2017 William S. Friday