Okay, NOT the whole movie, although I could write an entire ‘nother month of posts on JUST THE AVENGERS SAGA, but in this case, just one line.
“That’s my secret, Captain. I’m always angry.”
Which for me, now, begs a single question, “Is this a time for anger?”
As I wrote in the very first post of this series,
“…due to many years in the church, and a still-in-tact holy reverence for not wanting to piss-off God at a time of crisis by exclaiming things like, ‘Awww, shit!’ or, ‘Ohhh, fuck no!’, I tend to go to that inward, generally understated place of expression. That place where I take into myself all the external control of an airline pilot who knows his plane is going down, but still believes that if he acts calmly and rationally, he and everyone sitting behind him aren’t going to die.”
This intact thought includes, but is not limited to, a fear of shit going south on me in some cosmic sense if I get inappropriately angry. Or to put it another way, how much faster will I die, now that it seems my body is trying to slap an accelerated expiration date on me, if I allow myself to stew in the juices of anger? And… BONUS question in the wake of my recent diagnosis, and the potential for fucking up all to hell my future prognosis… what is the difference between inappropriate, and appropriate, anger?
Because, after all, this anger response from Dr. Bruce Banner was appropriate, right?
Some observations on anger.
Is my anger directed outward, or inward?
For the moment I’m going to start with the premise that anger turned inward is one of two metaphorical substances. Either battery acid, or vinegar. I’ll get the easy one out of the way first. DON’T INJECT BATTERY ACID! I know, you’d think people would have learned by now that injecting deadly poison is a medically proven BAD IDEA. Then there’s the strange second metaphorical substance. Vinegar. Where in all cases, battery acid poisons, in some cases vinegar… also, DON’T INJECT VINEGAR… cleanses. But you don’t want that shit in your body, either. Maybe in your crusty coffee pot, or mixed with baking soda to clean your bathroom shower floor, but for God’s sake… do I really have to warn people in a post about cancer that you shouldn’t shove non-medicinals into your body? Yeah, I do. But these were metaphorical substances and, oh… screw it.
Long story short, anger turned inward… BAD. Okay, there ya go.
So where does that leave me?
In the pantheon of universal truths, “To Serve Man is a cookbook”, “Soylent Green is people”, “Scarface and Goodfellas are idiotically overrated films”, and “anger turned inward… BAD”, only one has anything to do with how I view old me, a wannabe Dr. David Banner, and new me. Who doesn’t have a character name, yet. But I’m looking.
And to answer the question I began with, “Is this a time for anger?”
(c) copyright 2020 William S. Friday