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Noise

noise04

Noise.

I want it to stop for a while.  A fucking long while.  I don’t want to be deaf, I just want to be afforded the luxury of turning it off.  I want to be able to cultivate the habit of silence, and be allowed to choose the time and the place for the intrusion of sound.

And to kick the addiction of distraction.

There has to be a way to quiet the voices and quell the interference that has burrowed into that place between my ears and my soul, where the notice of deep calling out to deep must dwell, and where the allowance of unhindered contemplation… where the allowance of… where…

FUCK!  Make it STOP!

This is my day.  Everyday.  Multiple times a day, like the feigned multiple orgasms of a well-compensated prostitute.  Hollow, meaningless, empty sounds that, if umbilicaled to a meaningful source, might bring joy or great pleasure.  Or possibly just 10 seconds of a throw-away happy.  But these escapes are filled with the unwelcome familiarity… the rumble… the droning hum… of 10 million pissed-off bees.  Songs, voices, and words.  The goddamnedest, most annoying spew of words.  Words that will not, cannot, and always refuse to, stop.

Until that moment when life navigates you into the omniscient, perfectly well-rounded ass-end of time and space, when a singularly unplanned bookmark splits the page of revelation in the place where the sun ain’t never shone before.  And you realize, for the first and only time in your querulous excuse for a life lived beneath the expectations of everyone, especially yourself, that the silence…

might be…

worse.

 

© 2013  Bill Friday

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6 thoughts on “Noise

  1. The noise is as much a part of you as it is whoever/whatever it is coming from.

    Last year I went to a seminar on the Oregon wilderness, and learned about nurse logs. Without these logs, other life couldn’t exist. They die, fall down, and then become a place for other life to start growing. I thought a lot about how people can become nurse logs as well. You stumble, and then someone else uses you to lean on so that they can “grow” or whatever they tell themselves so they can sleep at night.

    Leave that shit to the wilderness. You don’t need the noise, no matter how uncomfortable the silence is at first.

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  2. Silent introspection can be daunting for sure, but so worth it. I can relate to the noise overwhelm quite well and silence really is golden. 🙂

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  3. Ah I can relate. There is that moment when your brain becomes overloaded by endless stream of information. I think the noise isn’t just things you hear but they can be things you feel. The endless stimulation that tires the soul and cripples the mind. Beautiful writing.

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  4. This is really well put. You’re sure you don’t want to write a book? 🙂

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  5. rbhexem on said:

    ya, I do want to ‘say it,’ but how to ‘say it’ is the frickin’ problem.

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Go on, SAY IT... you know you want to.

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